That bistro was Parisian down to the finest detail: walked in at 9:29 (booked for 9:30) and they said the table was just paying, would I like to wait in the bar.
Said no, I'd just walk around and admire the decoration for a bit.
10 minutes later, nothing, and no attention from any of the servers.
Obviously a scam.
So I walked over to Flesh & Buns. Incredibly crowded, and I arrived just in time for their express menu to start (10pm onwards). Got a seat at the bar. Having a proper dinner.